[Copyright 2000, all below by this blog's author]
TERMS OF ENDEARMENT
Once you have a relationship
you can never
Not-have-a-relationship
til one or the other [de]ceases.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Or
Out of sight, out of mind
But, not nothing.
Til ONE is nothing.
And then you have --- a memory.
I don't know what pic I'll find to post. I have none of her anymore. But I will extend the 24 hours a little that I gave not to speak ill of the dead. She passed away at 12:25 AM, Wed., 8 Oct 2008 in the ICU of a Tallahassee hospital. She told our sons to go home the preceding evening and, "See you tomorrow." About 2:30 PM of that "tomorrow," I started to get phone calls while I was in the shower and had left the phone by this computer. By the time I heard the urgent, second set of rings, I sensed what they must have been about. Checking the cell's "last call list," I found an uncharacteristically-timed call from my best friend in Tallahassee. My friend confirmed what I had expected. He had called when I didn't answer the sons' previous 2 calls from the shower.
He was surprised that I had no change in attitude or plans about what I was or was not going to do. It figures 'cause he has little psychological insight into ANYone's behavior or what causes it, ANYway! (History "majors" must understand facts, not relationships.) Which leaves him in the cold about any real understanding of the "no-fault" misery she is STILL causing me! WORSE than worthless... Thanks for NOTHING, EX-. We really did NOT deserve each other!
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4 comments:
I want to say, "I am sorry for your loss." But I guess that is not what you want to hear. So, I will say, I am sorry for the loss your son's have experienced.
No one deserves to go thru the hell that is cancer. It is awful for the patient and for the family that loves them.
EVENING - Thank you very much. For your sentiments and for POSTING (or I wouldn't have known anyone had read it.) I also told my SONS I'm sorry for the loss of their mother.
But it IS my loss too and I get choked up as I type this right now. There are many reasons for that, but one big one is that when she was alive, she always had the chance to set the record straight with me even tho she didn't have the courage or verbal insight to do it. I always had hope that our relationship could be made better by one who wasn't trying; now, it never WILL be.
I DID say, in an earlier post, I wouldn't wish cancer on my worst enemy.
You know what Richard, even though you and your ex wife weren't on good terms I am sure this is a loss for you. You must have loved her at one time, and you had a family together, that can't be erased. You have just lost a part of your history, good and bad. And I am sorry for that loss. Be kind to yourself Richard, grief is never easy, no matter how you experience it.
Take care of yourself.
Thank you, Maureen, for being concerned for me. I loved the woman she PRETENDED to be, not the one that it took me 17 years of marriage and a doctoral course in personality testing to uncover! The religion she was raised in espoused "No Divorce!" but she proved to be only a Catholic "of convenience" after she had me trapped into a marriage by getting pregnant as a manipulative, passive-aggressive "sperm thief!" Later, she destroyed for ALL 4 of us the only real family I ever had using a no-fault basis to give no reason for a divorce that awarded her half my retired military pay forever. (Standard practice since 1982 because of a bad political change in the Federal law.)
Beware compulsive liars -- you cannot believe them, ESPECIALLY when they say they are telling the Truth! Of course, I wish you good luck discovering who they are!
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