Poem: First Break-up

Sunday Morning TV Show
    evokes the tears of my first break-up.

The universal experience
    of deep, innocent love

Truncated.    Unilaterally truncated.

It takes two to tango
    but only one to quit.

Years of lies yield occasional glimpses of Truth
    but Evil blinds quitters to their lies.

Fear of suffering prevents reconciliations
    and, thus, pre-empted redemption!

It's been decades, but my first break-up
                                       isn't over yet.

HNT #82 - Come Undercover with Me!

Well!  Here's a follow-up pic for the CavernoftheBeast & HeelsNStockings who came nicely with me in my last irregular post -- they commented with love so I send some back. Sorry I couldn't get enough time to post one right after theirs on my blog. xoxox<3

Now for an opinionated post (both professional & personal, I guess) to follow up my observation about Casey Anthony's court situation in last post.  With all the time and money that trial cost, and with all the time that the jury was given to weigh the details of the case, I am terribly concerned for myself and those LIKE me who are getting raped in divorce courts by kangaroo ramrod divorce courts that ignore poverty where we cannot afford lawyers because exes have bled us dry as we were maintaining 2 households to hold our families together before the final hearing. We still got less than 2 hours in front of a judge who already had his mind made up -- EVEN THO THE MENTALLY ILL ONE SUEING FOR DIVORCE HAD "NO GROUNDS!" 

Beware if you are male & heading to divorce court:  The judges there are idiots from all that they have shown ME!  At least, that's true here in Florida -- why would it be any different throughout the rest of a country whose ethics-of-selfishness lawyers have created the self-perpetuating Evil of "no-fault divorce?" Those idiot lawyers don't even have to have had a single psychology college course, yet are making decisions about human behavior and expected behavior even tho they have been trained in COURT procedures, & not how humans think and act and why they do what they do!  They must think there is no logical, scientific rationale that can explain ANY behavior. But that is because they are predominantly ignorant of the whole field of psychology and what it has discovered and uncovered  about the rules of conduct and human behavior that most people follow.

I do not believe there exists any sort of corrective mechanism to provide feedback to judges on how their actions and judgements are perceived by a frustrated public. The judges are out of touch and they STAY out of touch because the public is afraid and unwelcome to provide corrective and instructive feedback about the quality and shortcomings of those judges' decisions.  They have power, but NOT necessarily GOOD JUDGMENT!  Occasionally, it goes so far and a normal citizen is so maltreated by this system (and knows better), that he becomes crazy-enraged and kills one of these assholes having legal credentials but faulty judgment. It is a wonder to me that such homicide doesn't happen more often!

Switching the topic slightly, there is a young, single female bartender whom I like who is without significant job credentials beyond her bartending experience of 3 years.  From tonight's discussion after she got off duty and sat by me for a friendship consult, I see again that such a person, while concerned and trying to help, is not able to accept that my ex-marital situation can never be resolved and can never really improve. I KNOW GOOD AND WELL THAT I WILL NEVER GET OVER THE BETRAYAL AND TREACHERY OF MY MENTALLY-ILL  ex-, but there is no way to convince my young friend that MY perspective is truer than HERS is.  I have good reason to think what I have not revealed to her, that her impending marriage based on a big lie, is almost as bad as the Big Lie that MY ex- perpetuated throughout the 2 decades of OUR marriage!

I suspect this beautiful bartender is sacrificing far more than she realizes to make this marriage happen & get away from her hometown associates where she was likely abused (25 - 33% of American girls under 18 are sexually molested as are 1/7 of boys!!).  Because of parallels with my ex's personal history, I think this friend may have been abused at a young age where girls develop an "extra privateness" that is naturally defensive and doesn't reveal much about what they really want or need.  The problem with that is the development of a passive-aggressive personality style that gets them what they THINK they want without having to "own it" openly -- especially if it has to do with power relationships or sex.

The bottom line is that I feel certain there is NO WAY to make such a wrong become right.  The only positive thing some of us who have inherited that suffering can do is to accept that the suffering will never end and we just have to live with it because of some asshole who built a marriage on a bedrock of lies and deceptions and never did anything to undo the lies! The Divorce Judge just furthered ex's lies by allowing her to lie more in his court. Of course, SHE still lived in the jurisdiction to be able to reelect him to office.  MY Conclusion:  Judges cover their asses and protect their own best interests at the expense of true 'justice for all."  

Post-script: In a later talk with that bartender, I recommended counseling for her boyfriend over a recent event that scared her. In spite of being a retired licensed mental health counselor & knowing that EVERYONE IN THE WORLD can benefit from counseling, I was holding back trying it again myself.  However, to prove my point to her, I had to concede HER point and I will seek out Hospice counselors for an unusual version of free Grief Counseling to deal with the significant anger I still have. 

That is anger for the woman who chose to die from breast cancer without making a clean breast of it & owning up to things she only hinted she had done behind my back during our marriage. (You might be surprised to know I offered her a "King's X" & promised to maintain her secrets if she would reveal to me just how evil she had been.  That was 6 months before I knew she was actually dying -- I had expected to be the first to go!)

HNT #81 -- Nekkid in Bed 4 Ladies Loving Tats

Text-talk Intro: Dint kno what pic I'd find & post after writing, 2day. But any local girl who knows me & wants in the next pic in a series, let me know -- you dint text me that you were stealthing my bod!  Stealth it in Bed, dammit! lol

But I always have lots to comment on. TODAY, I HAVE to mention what all the people at WH (WingHouse) were remarking yesterday about the Breaking News verdict in the Casey Anthony trial.  I was very surprised that the mgt had HLN News on half the TVs when there were no live sports games at the time. (Early to late afternoon.)

All the bartenders (female) were outraged at the verdict that Casey got OFF scot-free of Murder -- they were convinced she killed her little girl.  I told them I was also convinced but it was ALL CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE and I had been predicting a "Not Guilty" verdict ever since the Prosecution rested its case without PROVING Casey's direct link to the dead body.  They simply didn't PROVE diddly-squat except that Case was, is and always WILL be a pathological liar and a sociopathic slut!

My WH Girls, yesterday, were so vocal about it because they are opposed to killing little girls and one's own child, and thought it unconscionable for a Mother to do that. (But, there are plenty of fucked-up mothers these days and I DO mean women, in this case.)  This "modern" age with its rampant hedonism and inability to self-discipline for the greater good of anyone but oneself -- JUST SUX!  Of course, I was thinking of my ex- throughout all of this because she shared similar sociopathic (aka psychopathic) features displayed and obvious in Casey Anthony.

The point I want to make today though is much narrower and focused.  If I were still in academia as a counseling psychology PhD graduate student who finished his last semester of coursework studies, I might propose doing my dissertation research in an area other than the poetry therapy I had planned.  NBC's Today had a caller suggest that the outrage was for a small variety of reasons but the most intriguing response being made was that it was "the DARK side" making Casey do it.  I suspect that woman-caller sensed in HERSELF what was probably going on in many women I saw and heard outraged and condemning "TotMom"(so-dubbed by that asshole, diatribing rabblerouser, Nancy Grace).

Consider this:  How many of the American women, bartenders and servers yesterday who were castigating Casey Anthony for killing her own child, were also girls or women who have had or encouraged abortions themselves (killing THEIR own child.)  I know a handful of the WH Girls who have had abortions but they weren't working yesterday & I couldn't assess them on this. Castigating Casey is a way women who have killed their own baby/fetus or encouraged others to do it can unconsciously deal with the horror of what most of them know way deep down that THEY have also done. Casey IS a liar & a slut &, now, a scapegoat for many who have performed an equivalent action.

Be careful in casting the first stone, because it might bounce back and shatter your OWN glass house!  THAT's my point, Ladies!  And that Pro-choice is really Pro-abortion, pro-Murder, of someone even more defenseless than a beautiful, little toddler.

HNT #81 -- Pic MIA so I refer you to OHNT this week.

I was on the verge of posting an excellent new post on WED PM last, Sorry, my computer has a Glitch in it where the cursor will jump around and even activate as if it's been  clicked.  That fact caused me to run outa time  to write & edit.  I was VERY upset because it was an excellent post, a revealing post, and one signaling a major shift in the direction of my Blog.
 
That is a shift toward serious topics to INCLUDE:  love, sex, and much more nakedness than in the past -- except for those who have spotted me on the OHNT.  OHNT? Wuzzat? If you don't know, you're really missing something quite naked--If you like that sorta thing, you probably oughta Google it!

But the point is, I know WTF about a lotta things altho I'm not planning on listing my credentials straight-out. Maybe I oughta & I reserve the right to substantiate that MY opinions are PROFESSIONAL as well as PERSONAL.  Granted, everyone has feelings & opinions based on them. I do too, BUT I also have academic & job credentials and 50-something years of experiential knowledge of life in various countries including my most extensive one, the US.  I am human & subject to making  human errors occasionally.  But I hope to express thoughtful, reasoned, insightful opinions here that most people will find worth reading.

HNT #80 - A Fitting Libation: The Osama Bin Laden "Special"

I am a retired Air Force Special Operations Combat Veteran of 3 different American fighting wars. (AC-130's fire bullets, too! BIG bullets!)  Sorry I was too busy but, here now, is the first publication anywhere of the original drink I invented on Monday, May 2, 2011 at WINGHOUSE OF PALM HARBOR, FL.  That was the day after US announcement of the special operation conducted the prior week which found and killed Osama Bin Laden secluded in an Al Qaida mansion in Pakistan very near the Pakistani Military Academy equivalent to our West Point. 

Feel free to knock back one of these refreshing drinks anytime as you realize there are combat Special Operators working together in ALL our US Armed Services and executing or planning special operations** ALL the time!
    
         DO THIS:
*Pour a beer mug with a large head of foam.
*Hold a clear shot-jigger of Grenadine up next to the mug.

*Invert the jigger & throw it down onto the top of the foam with gusto.
*Loudly proclaim: "ONE SHOT IN THE HEAD!"

As red dissipates throughout the drink, note its sweet flavor,
a bit like Revenge or Vindication!
(Aren't I sweet, too? lol, T.S.)

**"Special operations" is a non-descript term used to categorize any number of unconventional military operations to include: armed air or ground reconnaissance over/in enemy territory, infiltration & exfiltration of OUR troops without detection in hostile areas, dropping informational & surrender/safe conduct passes by air dispersal over a large area populated by friendly and/or enemy personnel, broadcast of loudspeaker information in various local languages for military/political goals, broadcast of radio/TV signals to include jamming/electronic countermeasures, interdiction/seizure of drug boats/planes/personnel before arrival at the US Coastline, underwater demolition and coastal penetration for insertion or retrieval of "special assets," psychological operations to deceive/disrupt the minds of enemy-force populations, etc.

HNT #79 - Happy Tattooed Valentines Day!!! XOXOX

Here's something I wish all Pretty Girls I know would remember next weekend:

I Like Hugs!!













(Scroll Down)











But I LOVE KISSES!!!















Use your imagination ;)



Happy V-Day to you all! MUAH!!

HNT #78: Wanna Buy a Great Half-Nekkid Pick-up?

That's the truck, not ME, I'm talking about! lol (Not quite a Used Truck but I've certainly BEEN used throughout my life by plenty of the too-many assholes in this world. Their numbers are LEGION and I don't meant the American Legion!)

Son #1 has recovered fully from whatever overload and a probable medicine mix up by the prescribing ARNP (nurse practitioner), not Doctor. Thanks to those of you who sent good thoughts & prayers on his behalf! He has been well recovered for some time now, but it was unsafe to let him drive to work due to A.M. drowsiness from nighttime meds. Until 4 workdays ago -- that's when he stayed awake driving the 20 highway miles to his workplace (he'd BEEN driving in the afternoons already.) Then 2 workdays ago, I gave him sort of a "check-ride" (remember I was a career AF flyer) as he drove the second time to work and maintained full wakefulness!

I guarantee you can tell if a person is too drowsy if you will watch their eyes & where they are looking most of the time -- you can pretend to be just chatting with them if a subterfuge is needed. If he had nodded off a SINGLE time, I would have shouted him back to wakefulness and insisted he pull over & let me finish driving for safety's sake. But I am happy to report, he did just FINE! [Now, I get an extra 3 hours each day to take care of other projects for him here at home and even write an occasional blog article.]

We also need a little daily break from each other just to relieve normal "father-son interaction-stress & tension." I have some of my OWN critically-pressing doctor's appointments in Tampa that I had to reschedule over the last 3 months he couldn't drive. That will give us a 1 - 2 week "break" each month when I drive the 5 hours southward to MY docs & residence. It was a helluva way to get it, but I finally have what is left of my family back together again! :)

HNT 77: First-Time 3-Way!

Jesse James, Curse You, I SAW HER FIRST! She's MINE, dammit, you hear me? Check the proof on the wall -- KatVonD's first hub is covering her boobs in a threeway with ME! So, this HNT pic HAD to be taken, lol!

Jesse, YOU foolishly forfeited Sandra Bullock's "everything" for a bunch of flash-in-the-pan Ho's, you tattooed Horndog Mere'fo! I gotta bike and tattoos, too, so quit monopolizing the Hott Women of the World, willya?

Now, I'm not bragging but I coulda called this a 5-way with the other 2 women in the pic with us! ;)

HNT #76: Tattoo collection (friends, relatives, and self)

Motorcycle-Mechanic's finished sleeve

Art Academy Artist & Founder at Orlando convention

Orlando Convention artist & model w/ a fresh Tat O' the Day!

Striking Army combat medic bound for Afghanistan shares her sexiness! HOO-RAH!!! (Note this memorial tat is to her g-father who was a US Marine! )

Nice collection continued on the medic!

One of my Holland cousins confirming that we DO have warrior blood in our family history! (Norsemen did invade the Low Countries periodically.)

Superb detail on same cousin!

(I MUST say he is seen as a family Bad-Ass!)

Proud peaCock wearer

I'd like to wear mySELF!

Ingenious lettering reads "True" in one direction,
& Love" in the other!

Precursor outline

to my "Wing House Regular" tattoo

WH "Regular" tattoo nearing formal end; just waiting to get time to add 3 more stylized letters: N, M, and S! (No space for new letters; future names of anonymous kissing girls will have to begin with one of these letters. They will be annotated with a special extra tattoo mark.)

"Hidden" ink with an optical illusion & philosophical implications!

Mike Sizemore's Excellent Portrait of a Girl I used to know; and, at least, my TAT will stay pretty. Because of extensive grey-work on her belly, I may post a pic later where my skin UNDER the tattoo is not so red (most of these pics were taken immediately after the skin was irritated by the tattoo needle.) Note how she comes out of me here.

In closing, this shows my half-sleeve where the majority of my tattoos are located. I selected the left arm before my first tattoo (the armband) 5 years ago in case my arm got infected (needless worry if using a reputable, clean shop) -- I AM A WRITER AND NEED MY RIGHT HAND TO WRITE! ; )

I have pretty much exhausted the lineup of items that I would memorialize in a tattoo. I MIGHT add a large, stylized US flag design above my USAFA Falcon with large white stars going almost to my neck; the promising young artist I had lined up to do that ink unexpectedly moved back to NYC to be with his wife & kids. (But anything is possible as I am always vulnerable to imprinting on a young, pretty woman of great sexual desirability.)

HNT #75: SON HAS RECOVERED!

[The pic has nothing to do with the article but I figure I owe HNT something half-nekkid. If I get lucky over Xmas, my fave girl will get to see my Good & Evil aspects. Happy Holidays!]

Just a very quick update to let anyone who was concerned know that my older son has fully recovered from whatever happened (largely a mixup of medicines, it seems). He goes back to work next Monday fully recovered -- just consulting with the doc now to "fine-tune" his meds so he can wake up a little earlier and easier in the morning.

Thanks for any support and prayers you may have given. Keep a few prayers going for all of us, please, as the other son and I are also stressed by the situation's impact on our individual lives & the extra support we need to be able to give. My physical condition has suffered a little from irregular sleep and having my own physicians in a town 250 miles to the south. Even the "walk-in" clinic wasn't much help past giving me antibiotics for an immune-system-inspired cold and serious cough affecting my breathing. I'll be here 3.5 weeks each month for awhile as son needs a little help organizing finances & straightening up his house since his bro' is in college and cannot help in this humongous task (until graduation next June.)
[FYI, I'm sure a lot of the disorganization in this former house of their mother has come about in the aftermath of the return of her breast cancer to which she finally succumbed awhile back. Disorganization that is probably a symptom of consequent depression in our sons who had moved in to help her pay the rent. If you hadn't noticed, I think the poor USA economy has forced many families to band closer together in mutual-support households.]

In any case, we wish HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO EVERYONE WHO READS THESE WORDS!!!

EXTRA for anyone who is aware of my son's hospitalization!

Just a quickie to say that after a month, my older son is about 95%+ back with us after having faithfully taken about 10 meds prescribed by 3-4 doctors who may or may not have known all the other meds he was taking. I don't think he was "doctor-shopping," just trying to find a medical solution for many difficulties.

My hypothesis is that this is what made him feel like he was having a "panic attack" and went to a nurse practitioner who prescribed yet another med. He passed out at work the next day & the complaints he has to process may have added to his reaction to the meds. Hospital staff verified what I knew all along: there was no use of illegal drugs involved.

Anyhow, he most likely will be discharged before Thanksgiving and we are all planning Turkey-Day for a Tampa Bay mini-family rendezvous. Thanks for your good wishes and prayers... please keep em going out. Son has 3 months by Florida law to resume his job without losing it and that is virtually assured. I'm providing a bridge in paying bills until his Bro graduates from Motorcycle College & can bring a paycheck back into paying bills with his brother. It looks like this will all settle down over the next 6 - 8 months when younger son graduates. He is still doing great in Orlando and Motorcycle Mechanics College and loves the advanced studies now with all Harley-Davidson models.