HNT #62 - Wishing for warmer Florida again!

This was taken early last summer in the Tampa Bay area. We have our sun back in the Sunshine State this week but the Canadian snowbirds brought their cold temps back for a month longer than we usually feel them!

I discovered the beauty of tanning beds this past Christmas/Hannukah though, and the best part? They only take 10 - 15 minutes out of one's day, and you BARELY break a sweat! (Barely
carries BOTH meanings here, LOL.) The beds are nice--warm and their fans create a steady little flow of air like a breeze through the bed's core air space. Hot Spot has 2 locations in the western Tampa Bay locale & mine has 5 private cubicles for lay-down-on-your-back tanning beds and 1 stand-up booth for tanning in the round & standing the whole 10 minutes! Only 10 min. in the stand-up cuz it's the newest tanning equipment bought and is that much more intense! (But 10 minutes is great for a quickie around lunchtime if you don't have another kind available.)

The time-operators of our reliable Hot Spot insure the indoor sun eclipses no later than 20 min after start! They set it up via remote computer and do not enter the private tanning cubicle you lock for privacy the whole time. The operator makes safety recommendations of 10 - 15 minutes for the 1st couple of baths til you see how you tan and get your skin used to it. I think this blog will start with things I wish I'd known before I hit the tanning booths. I did ask a couple of my bartenders & servers who have been using them for a few years and are very, very tan (and keep it up to look Florida-sexy year-round). They gave me some ideas before I started in booths and they answered questions that occurred BETWEEN sessions.

For awhile, it became my routine to go to the Hot Spot directly after leaving my bar & grill 2 or 3 days a week. It is wise to leave at least 1 day open between tanning sessions and most people only go a couple times a week. Hot Spot has a great "flat rate" of only $19/mo for unlimited days of tanning if you sign up to do that for a minimum of 1 year. If you go on vacation or have surgery or something else, you can put your account "on hold" and pick up any extended time for free after the contract period ends. (There IS a penalty of $50 to 'buy-out" early if you want to stop your contract permanently.) These are the policies at MY tanning spa; of course, others must vary some & it is probably worth shopping around for the best price deal!

The young, nude-tanning hedonists I know at my bar & grill thought it quaint that I asked if their tanning salons allowed totally-nude tanning. (A typical, conventional, tanning-bed newbie question?) For my first 2 shorter tanning sessions, I had "speedo" underwear on to tan as much as possible but protect what I thought might be extra sensitive areas never before exposed to sunlight. LOL. A very pretty server giving me advice later teased me to "wear a sock!" But I thought it was a GREAT idea! And ever since, I have gone nude with my complete genitalia shoved into a white athletic sock. (I gave her a modest souvenir pic of me later entitled "Cock-in-a-Sock!" LOL, it surprised her but was pretty well-received!)

Be sure to put SPF 45-50 over all tattoos or the repeated-trip exposures will destroy your colored ink quickly; if you tan well but don't use SPF45+, your skin's mellanin will eventually tan even the tattoo and make the tat mostly disappear! There is an AM-FM-CD player in each booth so you can bring in your fave music to tan by. Altho I could barely hear it once I turned the tanning bed on. Oh yes, upon entry, my spa's bed has the typical white towel which can be folded into a sunshield until an initial tan is acquired on "virgin" areas. I learned by burning the small of my back that I should have folded a little towel-triangle to place there the first few times. The operators also leave a melt-in-your-mouth peppermint candy on top of the towel for each new customer. Tastes/smells refreshing after a slightly dehydrating 20-minute tanning session.

The beds have a countdown timer to allow you 10 minutes to strip down, & put skin preps on (a dry tanning lotion as well as dry SPF if you like.) Sometimes, those lotions are available for purchase from the tanning spa in their front entryway -- it is not greasy and will not have to be cleaned up after you finish. After you leave, the operators do wipe down & sanitize all areas that you might have touched in the tanning booth, anyway. If you need an extra 5 minutes to use the bathroom or apply fast-tan lotion that the spa sells, let the operator know & they will accomodate you. The bed's countdown timer reads out your remaining session time once you start the machine. You can turn off the bed at any point short of the full time, but it will not re-start without reset from the front of the shop.

Sunhat and eye protection: You can purchase this protection right there at the spa at a very reasonable cost (lotions are pretty expensive, tho.) One of the nurses at my cardiologist's said she had gotten cataracts from unprotected tanning bed use -- she had used no eye covering when in HER spa's beds. For just a few bucks at my spa, I bought little plastic eyeball UV protectors that have a see-thru part. AND MOST IMPORTANT, when I don't need to look at anything, I SHUT MY EYES AS IF ASLEEP! Last summer, I noticed that my middle-aged hair started bleaching GRAY very fast when I would tan outdoors without a hat! Luckily, I have carried my Grandmother's brown hair genes into later middle-age. So I had already learned to wear a hat and, at the spa, I bought what looks like a special cloth shower cap to filter out much of the UV-rays which would bleach some of my brown hair to gray while indoors!

Good place to see girls too, I found!! There are often one or two pretty girls signing in ahead of me. They are always friendly, up-front, and usually "chat-able!" Sometimes, they will even run from one tanning booth to another to get something from a friend who is already ALL-nekkid and they are only TOPLESS! Woo-Hoo! I just happened to step out into the narrow hallway as she came by. Of course, Gentleman that I am, I turned my eyes away [sorta... ;-) ]. I wouldn't mind fucking her, NOW! May I have ONE Do-Over, please?


OK, if you've stayed all the way to here, I'll give you one more part-nekkid-me IN the tanning booth today. I like a "no-sweat" booth better, anyway! Next week, if you come back, I'll show you a little more of me in my tanning bed (birthday) suit. I can make this a strip-tease of sorts for a month of Thursdays out of just one Hot Spot trip!

HNT #61 - My Standards for having Sex with You!

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HNT #60 - Getting Scapegoated is getting Crucified!

LEGAL OPINION FROM JUSTANSWER.COM: I have received a FL & CA lawyer's legal consultation that opening someone else's eMail without permission warrants an action against the unauthorized opener for invasion of privacy of the owner of a cell phone with eMail access. It warrants further action as a case of computer pirating of the owner of the eMail account. The lawyer continues, "YOU appear to have an action against her boyfriend for invasion of your privacy as well since you had a reasonable expectation that your eMails would remain private."

I don't know every essential detail of this case but they include that a new boyfriend (bf) of a platonic bartender friend of mine seems to be jealous, of all people, of MOI! LMAO! This bf must be projecting HIS motives onto me &, ironically, I am the last person who would adopt HIS motives now that I know them better. Overly self-centered and hedonistic, best I can tell. He appears to be using a power play from any of the several available "Pick-Up Artist" (PUA) systems by such authors as Neil Strauss or David DeAngelo. These are control-freak systems full of manipulative sociopathy techniques to "win" as a Bad Boy tricking women into bed with mind games for free pussy to suit the whims of the PUA. I do not care to gossip & I have never spoken negatively or thought like this about this bf before, but I had no reason to before.

I am concerned for this female friend because she has begun to appear "desperate" to keep her recently-acquired bf as she thinks they are very compatible in most activities and she has been feeling the nesting instinct strongly over the last 2 years, I am sure. Too strongly to wait for another highly compatible partner to arrive in her life. She also seems to have a significant Bad Boy Addiction that she is in denial over. She knows well and good that I am NOT a Bad Boy and that I despise mind games ANYone plays. (They all choose not to see thru the twisted psychology like I can as a sensitive psych-major type.) However, she read the riot act to the bf in front of his friends last Friday night when she discovered his unauthorized invasion of the privacy of our old eMails and she stormed off loudly from a downtown club. BUT, by doing this, she risked losing the only current realistic love in her life. I am 30 years older and dedicated to a platonic, professor-like relationship with her so it should be obvious to everyone that I am no threat to the bf. I am just her platonic friend who never meets her outside the bar and has no contact except weekly emails she promised to send in return for help buying a computer a year ago.

Of course, she is just playing into his control-freak ways by not continuing to be outraged at his overcontrolling and sneaky snoop-behavior. (They appear nowhere near becoming engaged and have been a confirmed couple in public only since last Christmas, '09.) But somewhere between trading Valentine's gifts with me at the bar on Friday and Valentine's Day noon on Sunday, she encountered this crisis encounter Friday night and must have spent the next 36 hours deciding her only viable option for security and potential marriage in the near future. Now, she is throwing the other victim (ME) "under the bus," and identifying with her privacy-invader by scapegoating ME and banning me from visiting her at the bar and from future communication. Undoubtedly, for show to keep the controlling bf feeling happy & secure. If I didn't know what was going on psychologically, I'd be saying "WTF, Charlie?" This reminds me of my ex-wife's mental meltdown to get her own selfish way with a no-fault divorce that Florida law does not allow contesting. "Don't confuse me with the facts, my mind's already made up!"

I will only take the bf to court if this continues to escalate somehow -- but the illegally-gained damage is done already! As long as my former friend is not patient enough to keep her options open and date around looking for someone better suited for marriage, I'll just have to lose my entire social life which has been visiting her twice weekly at that bar. (HER choice, not mine -- WTF did I do? Nothing -- I'm just the NICE guy here that it's easy to pull this shit on!) She probably rationalizes it by saying the truth: In fact, I will save on any more wasted time and extra tip money now!

I have a new conclusion about American women thanks to all this bullshit. Older women may not look as good, but party girls don't think so well! I am just going to be an occasionally-sociable hermit!! That's better than becoming one of these mindgaming manipulators who make bad names for psychology by playing a freak to control and scapegoat the innocent people they offend illegally. At least, my house will finally get spotless and I'll have lots of money to spend elsewhere!! Too bad I'm not into Craig's List whores or St Pete strip clubs!!

HNT #59 - Erection Modesty

Well, I had to stretch to get this HNT post--only the tiniest bit of skin shows. But you get the idea as you can see me "stretching" if you look closely. The reason for the stretch is peeking out BEHIND my stretch in the pic. Some guys will do ANYTHING to get an HNT pic to post, LOL!

I've been discussing a very personal issue with a couple of very sexy young women who just "don't get it" (in more ways than one, darn it). The issue is my relatively strict-celibacy for the last 15 years of my divorced life! Over the weekend, I sent them a couple of eMails dealing with what we were talking about and the rest of today's article has the essence of those eMails. These girls are good friends and we care about each other, but our life experiences and values in a few "modern areas" are very different. Because I value them as friends, I would like them to understand my position and feelings even though they don't seem to think we can have such differences and all be of sane thinking! They don't have the age or formal education that I do and I need to be sensitive in my explanations, and not insult or alienate because of MY value biases. Sometimes, that is unavoidable although unintended; but, if we remain open to dialogue & communication with each other, we can smooth over rough spots with apologies and improved awareness.

The basic topic was what to do about Richard and his celibacy/attitude. I couldn't believe it when one said "You can't have standards," and the other referred to facts of life "of the MODERN world."

HOLY CRAP, BATDOG!! MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN ONE FILLED WITH STANDARDS AND MEETING THEM FOR THE AF ACADEMY, MILITARY OFFICER LIFE, COLLEGE PROFESSOR ETHICS, GOOD CATHOLIC HUSBAND & FATHER, SINGLE PARENT GUIDING/RAISING SON W/ NO SUPPORT SYSTEM, SCOUTMASTER, COLLEGE GUIDANCE COUNSELOR, ETC. NOW, YOU TELL ME I CAN'T HAVE STANDARDS, MYSELF?! I am bothered greatly that the "modern world" has piss-poor standards in this area of mate selection and sexual morality as in many other self-serving behaviors. It just harkens me back to my EX- whose world had to have been operating under the same piss-poor, manipulative, "irresponsible civilian" bullshit (my opinions, of course) until she met me. It meant she was able secretly to revert to her sociopathic, manipulative behavior to "just get her own way" -- a hallmark of the modern American world altho that is a mentally-ill way of operating. (Please recall my Mental Health Counselor License and 3 awarded degrees in psychology & counseling to say nothing of my A.B.D. in psych. Maybe college-oriented people are more concerned with "standards" because they have to deal with them daily in academic affairs; especially, those of us who really had little chance to develop our hedonism and who don't need to "justify" our behavior by denying the relevance or value of much of the non-hedonist world.)

My eMail contained this:
"Anyway, involved in this or not, thank you both for your loving concern to set me straight (so to speak, LOL). I am still musing over the phrase, 'You CAN'T have STANDARDS!' which is really contrary to everything I have done in and with my not-inconsequential fifty-something years of life! I'm not about to change much now so maybe all the "modern girls" will just miss out. I have always gone for QUALITY, NOT QUANTITY and, after all, I DO have Manolita/ Palmela/ Jill anytime I want! LOL

Here's another reason of mine you would never have thought of if you are not aware of Catholic Christian requirements, I'd bet. I hadn't thought of this for a few months but it does apply too (in addition to all the other reasons I have). In the Catholic Church, my ex- & I were still married until she died 1 year ago. ('Until Death do you part' is a general Christian requirement/standard directly out of the wedding ceremony in most Christian churches I know of). We've all heard this phrase in movies before, eh?

A civil divorce does not invalidate any Catholic marriage sacramentalized in the Church wedding ceremony. If my ex- or I had sexual relations with anyone else besides each other until one of us died, Catholic doctine would see it as a grave sin of Adultery, keeping us out of Heaven, and being prosecutable in a Church court. Most Catholics in the US probably don't go to the Church court unless they are trying to get a Church annulment because such courts have no power over anything not solely Church-related (like the right to take Communion or have a sacramental Church wedding). In a non-Catholic nation, civil court jurisdiction decides all the 'important things' in the civil world affecting the divorcing partners like dividing money & property & children's time. It is mental busy-work to no end for Catholics to bother with a Church court unless they want to remarry someday in the Catholic Church. But most Americans now over 40 have been ingrained with believing the concept of marriage as 'until Death do us part'! For a serious person like ME (probably not her) who has always tried to live a life consistent with the major tenets of my Church, I would not feel free of adultery if I'd had sexual intercourse with someone new before Oct 9, 2008. And then, only after a couple more months of getting used to feeling truly free again.

This is probably not right for YOU, but we are not questioning YOUR handling of the situation. We are talking about your difficulty accepting me and my thinking & motivations in handling it altho being expressed honestly -- this is just an honest difference between the ways we were both raised and taught to believe about what is right. Yours is right for you, just as mine is right for me. That's why we have the American concept of Freedom of Religion -- you cannot really understand my values & views from your religious viewpoint if yours is from a significantly different faith than mine. Not unless you are also open to understanding the differences and accept that I have the right to my beliefs and feelings and values which are different from yours (but still honest and every bit as worthy for me as the way you have worked out yours for you). We are just different in these perceptions -- We can still be friends, just friends who disagree about what is right or best in this particular instance! That's about the only way all Americans can really get along, I think. Otherwise, our diversity makes us non-understanding adversaries, not friends.

I'm open to feedback but not to debating whether this is right or wrong. It is a feeling & feelings are, by definition, ILLOGICAL: good or bad, happy or sad, but not right or wrong. We have to feel how we feel -- just not necessarily ACT on the feelings!"